I have been hiding under a rock for long enough. Well, under this rock where I still have my regular supplies of Gossip Girl, Hellcats (I know, don’t start) and Big Bang Theory. A gazillion things are waiting to be done, and I know I can’t hide anymore, so here I am now.
Who knew that senior year would entail so much more tasks, responsibilities and expectations? Between having to take classes to clear graduation requirements (so I can graduate on time), researching for the final year thesis, applying for jobs, attending career fairs, thinking about the future, actually DOING something about the future (i.e. research about postgraduate options, doing the GRE etc), talking to seniors and professors about the possibility of extending my academic career etc… and of course trying to maintain a meagre social life, I am just about to go crazy. I wish somebody handed us a long to-do list, a guidebook, anything… Anything to forewarn us that it would be quite so very gruelling, where things are thrown at us from every imaginable corner and we are expecting to catch and toss ‘em right back.
Honestly speaking, I am not caught completely off guard. I have been religiously reading blogs written by tons of my predecessors, I have heard seniors who have gone down this same road lament and bemoan about the intensity of senior year, I have seen people crash and rise from the ashes. But nothing is quite like experiencing it myself…
Never-ending checklists, my desk completely overwhelmed and swarmed with stacks of journal articles flagged by multi-coloured post-its and dirty coffee mugs dotting the landscape of my room that looked like it is under a hundred-day siege by books, rumpled clothes (from failed/given-up-on attempts to create outfits in the morning) and balled-up paper (thrown around randomly in frustration during writer’s blocks).
Suddenly, it wasn’t as easy to get the As and B pluses from the classes. Being a senior also meant that professors expect stellar, quality writing from you, more than ever before. But my brain cells failed to multiply exponentially the way their expectations do. So I see an avalanche of bad grades falling faster than a ski day gone horribly wrong. Just when I desperately needed that pat on my shoulder, I had reality served cold right under my nose. I didn’t pull enough weight, haven’t paid enough dues, and now I’ve got to pay big time in my senior year. If I had come this far, I should be able to rise to the occasion and fight to stay afloat, right? (Silence echoes eerily in the background.)
Often, the best battles are fought alone. And this, hopefully, is my final one in my undergraduate career.
Afterall, in this world, we either swim, or sink. ♥
Tagged: advice, applying for jobs, College, dissertation, expectations, experience, motivation, opinions, professors, schoolwork, self-help, senior year, stress, student life, thesis, undergraduate life, university
